The fluidity of life

The fluidity of life

I just finished listening to an awesome podcast << that talked about things that people do to improve their life…

It made me think about how we judge ourselves and others and how this impacts everything we do and say- yeah I have no clue how it made me think about it either- but hopefully you will see it when you read the next part- that it kind of ish, does a wee bit, make sense….

It took me back to working in the care home- (side note– I was 16 and wanting to save the world haha)..

During my time working there  I learned some difficult things about life… One thing that has always stuck with me is how we forget how much we can learn from each other..

How much our busy lives, our goals, our set values and beliefs and our set ways of thinking can close us off from really experiencing all things life has to offer us…

One day after a crazy shift at the care home I mentioned to my mum about how some carers acted towards the older people; dismissing them, talking over them and not really giving them the time of day.. 

Side note- I remember that day, I felt completely overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted at the fact I could not make any real change.. I realised that policies and strict routines meant that I could not fully help people to do the things they wanted to do. I was confused and saddened that people in the last stage of their life couldn’t gain access to the simplest of things – like sit outside in the sun with a cuppa!

Ps I promise I am not blaming the carers in anyway, they had set targets and crazy busy schedules that prevented them considering this….I am just using it as an example because it just made me think about how much value is lost from closing ourselves off and not giving people time.

Anyways, that day my mum said to me something that I will always remember… Sometimes people forget or do not realise that we are only seeing people at one stage of their life…

When we meet a person for the first time,  walk past a person on the street, see a person on social media, or hear about a person from a friend, we don’t really know anything about who they were (or forget to remember), their experiences of the world, and what led them to where they are today…

In relation to this story, some carers were forgetting to recognise how incredible the old people were- what kind of jobs they had done (some of them had been nurses in the war, high up accountants and hairdressers of rock stars!!!) how much knowledge and experience they had and how much we could learn from them! 

The scariest thing for me is how much is lost from not interacting, how many incredible stories go unshared? How much knowledge is lost? How many beautiful qualities do we lose? How many mistakes do we continue to make by failing to recognise how much we can learn from each generation…

One more wee story then I will stop blethering I promise…

I feel I can relate this to homelessness most of all…..about how we only see a person sitting on the street- at bad stage of their life-small glimpse of a person’s life- without seeing where they have been or where their life will take them…

On Christmas day 2016, I had the pleasure of  meeting a really cool guy called Willie whilst working with Crisis for Christmas. Willie had kind of shaggy long brown hair and a bristly beard. He wore a khaki coloured jacket and trousers and carried a big black bag pack. He also had a wee staffy dog named Fred. He told me Fred was his life companion and that he had no idea where he would be without him.

When me and Willie started talking, I began to find out about his life journey. At first, he talked about growing up in London. He said up until the age of 22 he led a somewhat “normal” life (whatever that means)- he played football, hung about with his friends and went to school. When he was 23 he decided to join the army, his grandfather was in the army and he had always wanted to follow in his footsteps.

He came out of the army in 2012, when he was 27. He had seen two of his best friends being killed and was discharged with post-traumatic stress disorder. Willie came out of the army, confused, depressed and lost. He was used to following a set regime, rules and orders and now he had nothing. He went back to London to stay with his family. After a few months, he started to feel like a nuisance, money was tight and he felt like he was bringing his family and other people in his life down.

Fast forward to Christmas day, Willie has been homeless for two years. He has travelled all over the UK with Fred and feels most at ease in Edinburgh.  He told me living on the streets has been tough and scary at times… he even said sometimes he is surprised he is alive. He told me stories about how many people ignore him, how many people shouted things at him, but also about how kind and generous some people can be.

He has managed to stay free from addiction, although, he has contemplated drinking and taking drugs many times. However, he said to me he knows things will get better, he knows that this is a stepping stone, he knows that he has to withstand the bad in order to gain the good. He also told about other people living on the streets.  He spoke about their difficulties and about how people pass judgement without knowing anything about them.. without knowing who they are, what they enjoy, what they are good at or who they use to be before they took the wrong path… He said the lack of belief and acknowledgement from others reinforces the unworthiness they already feel- spiralling into a cycle of, ‘whats the point-no-one cares-lets have another drink’, because things will not get better..

Throughout the two years Willie has reached out for help from multiple organisations and charities. In particular, charities that help ex-army men that suffer with mental health issues. After a long two years, they promised him that he will have some sort of accommodation for him and Fred by January 2017!!

You may be wondering why am I telling you all about Willies story? I think we can relate this to everyone.. everyone we meet, see or hear about on daily basis..

We get a small glimpse into a person’s life. We all have an untold story, a journey (ps this is an incredible wee film if anyone has the time) and something to share with the world. To judge someone based on what you see in a moment can completely close you off from learning and experiencing something amazing.. uhu I know I am completely hippie- but I truly believe we can learn from everyone we meet;  whether it’s a new perspective,  a skill, or even how not to live our lives…

One more example I promise;

We can also relate this to the grumpy old man that lives at the end of the street, always miserable, shouting at the kids for playing ball games…

he may have been an a solider in the war,

he may have been a champion runner and now is unable to run,

he may have lost his wife,

he might not have any family,

he may just feel alone,

He may just express this through anger and annoyance.

We are all so busy, it is easy to forget about all the experiences a person has that makes them who they are today. Even if we can do nothing to help his full situation.. right now, in this moment we can smile, say hi and appreciate that we are all on a journey and that really, we all want the same thing- happiness.

The same goes for Willie, At first glance you see a homeless man with a dog… We might walk past him in the street, see his sign “help for ex servicemen” and just ignore him… Say we have no time, no change, or assume he isn’t homeless and he is just sitting in the cold for some extra cash- the endless amounts of coppers he gets on a daily basis…

PS I am not saying that we should help everyone, (although I wish we could)… I am just saying that we should take a moment to realise that we are only seeing that person in this stage of their life. We don’t know what has happened in the past or what their future may hold.

The same thing goes when you meet someone for the first time and instantly think wow what an asshole…. Maybe they had a really sucky day, maybe they’re trying their best, maybe everything seems to be going wrong… We must keep in mind that our initial judgement is only based on that moment…We don’t really know how incredible the person could be- given the right circumstances, opportunities or experiences.

Inspired by so many incredible people that have impacted and influenced my life.